I don't really know how to begin this post, so I am just going to start.

I struggled throughout my entire pregnancy with Drayden. I was at risk, and there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't wonder whether or not I would have a healthy baby. I would wait anxiously for every one of his movements to tell me that he was okay. Sometimes I would find myself holding my breath under the stress, and I wouldn't realize I had held it until I would deeply exhale. I lived in fear. It was the worst fear I can imagine, and it is no way to live.

Yesterday my worst fear became a reality for one of my dearest friends. Sarah Bussey Adams went for a routine checkup with only a couple of weeks left before her due date. When the doctor checked for a heartbeat there was none. No heart beat. No movement. An ultrasound confirmed the worst fear imaginable, and she was alone. Then Sarah - the strongest woman I know - was checked into labor and delivery to be induced to go through labor and to give birth to her precious baby girl Mamie. When her sister Britney called me yesterday afternoon I could tell by her voice that something was not right. She said the words that I had thought all those months that I would hear, and as she spoke I sank to the floor and succumbed to the most intense grief I believe I have ever experienced. Grief for Sarah. Grief for her wonderful husband Taylor. And grief over the loss of Mamie. The rest of the day was a daze.

I got the call this morning at around 4:30 AM that Sarah had given birth. Mamie Katherine Adams was born at 3:15 a.m Thursday, June the 25th. She weighed 5lbs.11oz. and was 18 inches long. Britney told me that Sarah would like photos. I grabbed my gear and immediately headed towards the hospital. I arrived to find Sarah and Taylor completely surrounded by their family and some close friends. And Mamie was absolutely beautiful. Perfect. A sleeping angel. My heart ached and tears flooded my eyes as I worked this morning for my friend. And all I could think was, "If I am hurting this badly.....my God, how on Earth to they feel?" The pain that Sarah, Taylor, and their families feel right now is unimaginable.  One thing I know is that Mamie was already loved more than many babies are ever loved.

I am writing to plead with you all to lift this family up in your prayers. They are blessed to have such support from their family and friends. Sarah has amazing clients who are reaching out to her as well. I have already heard from several of you in the photography community who want to know what you can do. I know that they appreciate you all so much. Every little thing right now will help them make it through each day. I know that they have a funeral they will be planning. No details have been announced yet, but please check her blogfor information if you want to know what they plan. And while you are there, please take a moment to leave her some love and encouragement. Let's all flood them with love right now and pray for God to give them peace and strength and some answers. Oh, how I pray they get answers.

I want to finish with this beautiful poem I found online today. It moved me, and I hope it moves you too.

And, Sarah, if you happen to read this blogpost anytime soon please know how much I love you. You are one of the most amazing people I have ever known, and I will be praying endlessly for you and Taylor. My heart aches for your loss. I am here for you whenever you need me.

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.

A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say

"We go to earth and learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are OK
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with me
Until your lesson is through
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
(Jennifer Wasik)

In Christ,

Crystal

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